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I read a quick review (spoiler free) before going to the theater. It said the best part of the new movie was the music... which is just the same Indiana Jones Theme that everybody already knows.
And...
And...
And...
They were right. The filmmaking genius that is Steven Spielberg and George Lucas thoroughly disappointed me. I have now com to the conclusion that these men no longer know how to make good films. That they are out of touch with what their audience wants. Star Wars Episodes I-III were insulting. Munich? Nobody wants to see that. Throw us a bone, fellas.
I think it's safe to say that Steven Spielberg and George Lucas did not just insult, but BITCH-SLAPPED my intelligence last night.
Don't get me wrong... I'm sitting there in the movie theater trying DESPERATELY to love this movie. I mean, c'mon, it's another Indiana Jones film... But it left me deflated. I mean, I actually stood up and BOO-ed at the end.
Time has also not been nice to Karen Allen... I remember watching Animal House thinking how cool it would be to have her as a college girlfriend... but wow... welcome to 2008 and the reality that she's a scant year younger than my mother. Ewwww. Where was IMDb when I needed it?
OK, Shia LaBeouf (isn't that what they call a Whopper in France?) just bugged me the whole time through. He's obviously NOT a tough guy trying desperately to play a tough greaser, biker kid. I guess to George Lucas, that's funny... but he was playing the character too straight to be funny. Like he wasn't playing the part as a not-tough guy trying to be tough, he seriously IS a not tough guy cast in a tough-guy role. I'm laughing AT the movie, not with it.
OK, we get it that Harrison Ford is old. We knew that going in. We established this in the first couple of scenes. It's not continually funny throughout this two-hour debacle.
***** SPOILER ALERT *****
Highlight if you want to read it
OK, I tried my best to keep this rant free of spoilers, but I was so bothered by this I had to boo it mid-movie as well: Naturally, Shia's character is Indiana Jones Jr (or rather, Henry Jones III as confirmed by Marion Ravenwood a.k.a. Mary Williams). Why, George Lucas? Why do you always cop out? Like in "Return of the Jedi"... no, Luke, you have a sister... and OBVIOUSLY... LEIA! Duh, she was the only woman in that whole series of films...
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Why, George Lucas, did you take the easy way out? I *KNOW* you're the caliber of filmmaker who can make something more realistic happen. Why, Steven Spielberg? You gave us such amazing films in the 80's and 90's. Why did you dumb down your work even dumber than the level that the moviegoing public has dumbed down to?
I actually sat and thought about it. Why was I unable to enjoy this movie? Why was I unable to fall in love with this adventure as I have countless others? I have even brought myself to admit that I can watch the 2nd Pirates of the Caribbean movie the whole way through, but I just can't, at least not yet, for Indy 4. Could it be, that we, as the moviegoing public have refined our taste in cinema to a point where we're too sophisticated for the campy "comic-book"-esque 50's adventure story style that originally spawned the Indiana Jones series?
Give me a break! Look at the crap that people watch on a regular basis. Drivel like "Dancing with the Stars" and "American Idol" and "Sex and the City" and "American Pie" and "Van Wilder". I'm sorry if any of you LIKE these, but objectively, you must admit, they are DRIVEL. I can't blame the producers of these shows (as much as I'd like to) because their job is to make what the people want to see. If I was a TV Producer, I'd be doing the same thing. So it only makes sense that movie producers do the same thing.
First we take any real characterizations out of Star Wars (I'm sorry, Hayden Christensen brooding and growling through his 2 movies isn't deep character or good acting) and turn it into JarJar's Big Adventure. I should have known this fourth installment would easily be "JarJar Jones and some overstuffed MacGuffin".
All I know, is that by the time I hit the men's room afterwards (gotta let that gallon of soda out, y'know) I was able to rile everyone up into a bunch of smack-talk and charged them all with spreading the word about how awful this film was.
I put it to you, George Lucas, and to you, Steven Spielberg, give us what we deserve or give us back my $10.75 and 2 hours of my life!
And where the hell was John Rhys-Davies?
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